Father's Day Thoughts

Sometimes the easiest thing to say is nothing. But it's not always the best thing. This is the first father's day since my dad died, but it's not necessarily the first without him around. So in a lot of ways, it's not all that different. But of course it is.

I've got a talent for only letting out the things I want people to see. For all the times I seem stoic, know that usually I am. But not today. Today, I'm opening up a bit.



I have a very different experience of my father than do my brother and sister. He was an alcoholic for most of their early lives. By the time I was born, he had found sobriety for a number of years. This didn't make him perfect, but then again, no one is. By the time my memory kicks in (about age 5), my parents were already divorced. I don't fault them for this in the slightest. But it does inform the way this next bit plays out.

A lot of kids have this idea that their parents are Super Heroes. They learn all these things from dad about fixing cars, building things, throwing a ball. I didn't get that with my dad for the most part. At least not on a consistent basis. From this point forward, visits with my dad were scheduled regularly, but sometimes missed for any number of reasons. I don't hold any negative feelings about how it worked out, but I do wish; deeply and truly wish that there was more time spent with him then, and now.

I am envious of my brother Né and my sister J.J. for the extra time they got, and I know it isn't all rainbows and sunshine. But I also know that dad loved all three of us. And he loved their children. He would be proud of the strong, loving parents that they both are to their children. I know I am. I love you both. Né, happy Father's Day.

There's a lot more I could say and a lot more I needn't say. But some things do need to be said.

At this point it's important to note two people who did (and still do) provide a lot of the "dad wisdom" and fatherly love to me. I have the deepest gratitude to Kevin McNamara, my best friend's father for everything big and small he's done for me over the years. And to Uncle Robert whose personality I look to emulate in a myriad of ways in no small part because he continues to be the best man I know.

To Kyle McNamara, a new father who I know, despite any hardship, is going to be the best damn father to that little girl.

And most of all, to my mom for stepping in and being both a mother and father when she needed to be.

I love you all, good night.