Death and Other Downers

Today's post will likely be short in hopes of turning out another tonight. As of right now, I've got two projects running simultaneously in my head and I'm trying desperately to figure out how to make some money on my writing sooner rather than later.  But more on that later. For now, an idea I had about the nature of living after someone you care about isn't around any more.

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I have heard it said that with the death of a loved one, we die a little as well. I disagree. When a loved one dies or leaves our lives we grow without them. There's a hole that begins to expand the moment we learn that they're gone. And that void grows as well. Over time, we grow used to carrying that void. Not everyone makes the same impact and not all voids are created equal.

When you first meet them your horizons are expanded. There's a part of you that becomes bigger for them being in your life. And it remains there after they are gone. There are ways to reclaim a part of them after they're gone. A fond memory, their scent on a chair they used to favorite, or an activity they enjoyed. It gives you a sense of the person that you miss dearly, and perhaps softens the edges of that darkness.

The other night a friend told me that she wanted to celebrate death. Despite my initial confusion at her meaning, I think I understand. Her example was her own death, which she felt should be celebrated with a beach party at night, with music and friends. She did admit though, that she felt that even at an event such as that she would cry. I think though, that in many ways she's right.

Crying is good when it's not self-pity. It's healthy when it's not wallowing. It's necessary in those moments of despair and death. But there should be a smile waiting just below the water works, ready to remind you of the good times, of who that person was, and of the growth that their presence added in your life.